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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Outcry from my heart

Lately my anxiety level has skyrocketed. It suddenly appeared about 10 years ago after I became a SAHM. I quit my job to stay home with my son which is supposed to be good thing, right? It was usually triggered by finances. I no longer had control of knowing what we were bringing in each month. As long as I was able to get necessities I was fine. But the "not knowing if" part is what did me in every time.

Fast forward 4 years- I had my second child. And at the same time we found out our son may have a learning disability or a behavioral problem etc. etc. No parent that I know ever wants to hear that there is something wrong with their child. Here I was with a newborn and child that all of a sudden begins acting out. Where did that come from?

Now that he's 11 and my daughter is 6 I start to wonder about the future. What will become of him? Will he be ok? Will it get worse? What will happen to him after we are no longer here? Just thinking of puberty gives me a belly ache. Then the fear of "not knowing" creeps back in. Anxiety envelopes me and sometimes it is quite debilitating. I sometimes don't leave the house for days. I feel guilty because my daughter deserves something better than this so does my son.

One thing good that has come of all this is that having my son has brought me closer to God. I pray (alot) and read scripture more than I did before I had my children. I would like to share some verses that have helped me tremendously over the years. 

 Philippians Chapter 4 verses 6-7 "Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

1 Peter Chapter 5 verse 7 " Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you"

But when you are in your funk it's hard to remember them. You have to snap yourself out of it. There is hope even though you may not feel like there is at the time. Most important is to love them regardless, have their hearts and teach them the word of God.


  1. Beautiful, heartfelt post. Don't be so hard on yourself, being a mom is tough enough! I only have one kid and I often don't make it out of the house for days also, lol! The fear of not knowing is always a tough one... just keep reading scripture, praying, and have faith that He will take care of everything... He knows how much better than we do!

    I love you!

  2. Beautifully expressed! I sometimes struggle with anxiety over similar issues but have found solutions in the same place: God and His Word. I'm praying for you now!

  3. Thank you E and Jennifer!!! That means alot. I love you too E.